Mental Skill #1 – Communication Pt 1
Definition: “The ability to select the right words and right mental pictures; on demand”
When we say the mental skill of “communication”, we are referring to the mind and what goes on inside of your head. Specifically, we are referencing your self-talk. You engaged in the act of talking to your self.
3.1.1 Guiding Principle: Outside versus inside
Outside is our communication with others; what we traditionally think when we reference communication. It’s a conversation you have with your teammate, your spouse, your kids, your friend or neighbor. You must filter words from others, yes. But more importantly, you must filter your words on the inside as well. Learn to have healthy conversations with yourself.
Science will teach you about a part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex. We are just now learning so much more about this area in the brain and the critically important roll it plays in your thinking throughout the day. The prefrontal cortex is located right behind your forehead. It is always on, always thinking, always flashing words and mental pictures.
Some experts have referred to this area of the brain as the “good boss”. This “good boss” title implies two things. One, it’s good in the way it helps you with decision-making, problem solving, over coming challenges and conflicts. The second is that it plays a very powerful roll to seeking out threats and difficulty. When the “good boss” finds a threat from your past, present or your future, it can set off the alarm system in the “bad boss”. The “bad boss” is referred to as the feeling brain and the alarm system is that emotional highjack we spoke of earlier. If you remember, during a highjack your decision-making, your learning and ability to innovate and adapt is all hindered. When the “bad boss” is in charge, your body is flooded with stress hormones that if not managed properly will begin to work against you and your performance. Remember, it is your ability to flex these mental skills that empower you to recover and get the “good boss” back in charge.
Learning to become more aware of the chatter and learning to regulate the chatter is the foundation of the first mental skill. The mental skill of communication is your ability to place the right words and the right mental pictures supporting your dreams, goals and desires. This skill level is demonstrated in your ability to regulate the chatter using the right words and right mental pictures on demand and in the moment.
3.1.2 Guiding Principle: Words and Mental Pictures
You have random words and mental pictures flashing throughout the day and night without any conscious effort from you. When you’re thinking or simply letting your mind wander, words and mental pictures flash though your brain. When I ask, “What’s on your mind”? Words and mental pictures will instantly appear and these will be what you describe in your answer. If I say, “do you remember the time…” you will pull up stored words and mental pictures. If I say, “imagine yourself in competition tomorrow” words and mental pictures will be what you describe. Chatter, self-talk is simply a series of random words and mental pictures. This guiding principle is a critical step in learning the five mental skills.
As you journey through each day, you will now begin to pay attention to your words and mental pictures. Basically you are paying closer attention to your self-talk or chatter. As you improve your awareness, gradually and with practice you will learn to flex this mental skill and regulate the words and mental pictures. This act of regulating is simply replacing the bad chatter with good chatter. You are learning to take the bad chatter out and place good chatter in.
The key is to remember the chatter is running without your awareness and without your efforts to regulate. As you will learn later, most of the chatter is working against you. Most of the words and mental pictures which flash randomly in your head will tend to be negative, minor and without real reasons to even keep in your chatter. Unaware and unregulated chatter will hold you back from achieving your dreams and your desires.
3.1.3 Guiding Principle: Negative by Design
Knowing the chatter never stops, understand it will most often seek the negative, the wrong or the threat, and it does so by design. One of the many functions of your brain is to protect. It is very similar to a security system keeping the body safe and out of harm’s way.
This negative bias is another critical understanding moving forward in your development. You must seek to understand this basic negative nature. A critical lesson here is to recognize this negative bias may often set off “false-alarms” in your chatter. Your chatter will “run away” and you will start thinking about all kinds of different scenarios. This is what I call “chasing cats” or basically wasting time, talent and energy on pity chatter (thoughts that just do not matter). Your chatter takes you down a road of different situations and circumstances that have nothing to do with the truth and that moment in time. You un-intentionally focus on words and mental pictures that have very little relevance to what is important and in turn, hinder your achievement. By learning to accept this truth you begin navigating the journey and overcoming the harmful affects of un-regulated chatter. Chatter that simply doesn’t belong.
Your words and mental pictures will tend to focus more on what’s wrong and who’s to blame; more on the easy than the hard; more on hurting emotions rather than rational logic. It’s a constant awareness you must work to regulate. The mental skill of communication has everything to do with your awareness and regulation of the chatter, disciplining the right words and right mental pictures on demand.
3.2 Movie Scene: Devil’s Advocate
Under pressure is when these mental skills and ability serve you the best. Here is a great scene in the movie Devil’s Advocate to illustrate your talent in the face of pressure. In this scene we find Keanu Reeves and Al Pacino, the two are talking while they walk on top of a high-rise building in downtown New York. This scene is so relevant to your situation you can really bridge the gap between knowing this skill and learning to apply it in daily life.
Imagine yourself in this scene as Reeves and Pacino is your coach or recruiter:
Reeves: “You offering me a job?”
Pacino: “I’m thinking about it. I know you got talent. I knew that before you got here. It’s just the other thing, I wonder about.”
Reeves: “What thing is that?”
Pacino: “Pressure. Changes everything, pressure. Some people you squeeze them and they focus, others fold. Can you summon your talent at will? Can you deliver on a deadline? Can you sleep at night?”
Translation, can you regulate the chatter? Can you regulate the words and mental pictures even under pressure? Can you recover from toxic self-talk and re-gain your composure? It’s a skill. It’s your ability and the secret lies inside your chatter.
What you will come to learn and understand is that most of what’s happening outside of you is uncontrollable. The focus need be on the inside, starting with your thoughts. At any given moment, any given situation throughout the day, what matters most is right here, right now and what’s going on in your mind. You can learn to develop day in and day out, knowing good and well that pressure awaits. You must learn and develop these skills sets daily and throughout the day knowing that the pressure points await around every corner or next new play.
“The last place to learn CPR is at the scene of an accident; learn it first and practice often for the time in need and on demand.”