Discovering The Chatter
“Thinking is nothing more than words and mental pictures”
Self-talk is a common term often used to describe the chatter in your head. For the sake of instruction, self-talk and the chatter are referring to the same thing. The clinical term is “psycho-linguistic”, psycho meaning the mind and linguistics meaning language. The critical lesson moving forward is that self-talk is nothing more than words and mental pictures randomly flashing in your mind at an extraordinarily fast pace.
These words and mental pictures constantly repeat and flash all day long without any effort from you. More importantly, some of these words and mental pictures are just plain trash and do not need to be in your head. You cannot prevent the negative chatter from popping up but you must take responsibility for it and learn to regulate or change it. Hold yourself accountable to the words and mental pictures because no one else can do it for you.
6.1.1 Guiding Principle: Fighting the Chatter
As a young athlete in the mid 1980’s I struggled with negative chatter. Back then, if you told anyone that you have a voice in your head, they were going to put a white jacket on you and take you away. You didn’t talk about it. The best answer I was ever given when talking about the chatter was simply, “don’t talk back.”
Literally, there was a time in my life when all I could do was try to shut down that negative chatter in my head. Just “turn it off” I would say to anyone willing to listen.
In 1988, I had just graduated from Purdue University. No job, no ideas and lots of un-answered questions. Life was complicated. I had a lot of questions and no clear answers. The negative thoughts seemed to beat me down until I became less and less motivated to even try. I later learned this sense of not knowing is a part of the set up in life, a season when nothing makes any sense.
It was time to take responsibility for my life, my career, and myself yet I didn’t have a clue what was next. My internal dialogue seemed so loud, so frequent and so depressing. This was the first time in my life that I actually became of aware of the chatter and wanted so badly to turn it off.
By the grace of God, I found my way and in a few short years I had opened my first business, it was 1993. It took me over ten years to seek, study and learn more about self-talk so that I could begin understanding the value and the impact of the chatter. Now keep in mind, we didn’t have today’s knowledge or technology and most conversations about the chatter were minimized and at best you were told to keep it to yourself.
It was now 1998 and my business model started changing and focusing more on training and development. I began teaching and developing my own training material for corporate clients, the government and pretty much any one that wanted to listen and learn about becoming something more. As I matured and started to better understand the chatter, my desires to teach others about what goes on in the mind also started to grow.
It was during a leadership training session I was conducting with a group of critical care paramedics, when one paramedic in the front row raised his hand and asked, “How do you turn it off, the chatter in your head. How do you turn it off?”
“The chatter in your head is constant; there is no off switch”
I had to tell him the same truth that you must come to learn and accept. You can’t. You cannot turn off the chatter. In the same way the heart beats, the lungs breath, the chatter chats. These physical features are designed for a purpose, but perhaps only one, the chatter, requires a disciplined approach. The chatter in your head is there for a reason and it can become your greatest asset if you learn how to regulate it. In the same respect, it can become your worst enemy if you pay no attention at all.
6.2.1 Reflection Exercise #1
In a moment, I want you to stop reading and try this exercise, one you should learn to practice often. Reflect back to a great performance you’ve had in the past, a time when you even surprised yourself. Who was watching? Who do you see standing around? What were you doing, what were you thinking? What were you feeling? You should write your responses down on paper. Your story should look something like this…
6.3.1 My Best Game
During my senior year of high school, in 1984, our team had advanced to the Semi-State Baseball Finals. Right before the big game, my father said to me, “Son, when you are standing there on deck, just see the ball hitting the bat.” It sounded simple, no big deal. No one had ever mentioned the idea before and it didn’t sound all that hard. In your imagination, simply visualize the ball hitting the bat. In other words, don’t think about all the folks watching you or about the pressure to produce for your team, your coach. Don’t worry about all the baseball scouts in the stands or about striking out or embarrassing yourself. Concentrate on one thing, the ball hitting the bat.
It was my best game ever. Three out of four at the plate; rocked the all-star pitcher that everyone came to see. One particular play comes to mind, a line drive triple to left center. It’s so clear in my mind, even though it was over 30 years ago. I recall rounding second base in full stride, seeing my third base coach wave me on. As I slid into third base and popped up from the slide, I can see the wave of people standing and cheering. My coach jumping up and down, reaching for the sky and clapping with joy. In the midst of it all, in the cluster of fans, were my mother and father, jumping and screaming, celebrating the moment. I cherish these words and mental pictures we call memories, wonderful thoughts and emotions that seem like only yesterday. You, too must discipline your thoughts to find these memories and understand the power of positive thinking.
What a great, great game for me. Unfortunately, I was never able to duplicate it. I never understood the chatter well enough to make sense out of it. Although I continued to play the game, I could not deliver consistent results and my athletic career ended shortly afterwards.
Fleeting success is not the case for you. Fleeting means you achieve successful results, yet fail to be consistent in your efforts. Now we know the biggest culprit of poor performance is caused by anxiety, an emotional state created in the brain by negative self-talk. The chatter wasn’t right for me but it can be right for you. You will learn these skills and the ability to summon your talent on demand by regulating your thoughts. This is your development goal. It starts now and you will practice daily.
Now, back to your exercise. We all have these special memories. Take the time to reflect back and tell me one of your stories. I want you to actually write it down and then send it to me from the website, www.ParrishTaylor.com. Be sure to “ink-it and not just think-it”. Be clear in your vivid detail of what’s happening inside and outside as best you can remember. Develop the skills to put words and mental pictures together and tell me your story. Write in your journal and reflect back with the greatest of detail these special moments in time. Use your words and memories to journey back; see the good and cherish the emotional response.
Trust me in faith on this exercise. It maybe difficult at first, but if you practice this reflection exercise and do it properly, it will become natural to you. This is a good habit of thinking and reflecting. Practice and it will become easier, even natural over time. You will understand later how this reflection on achievement will aid in your mental and emotional skill development.